honestly sucks how committed i am to rawdogging my mental illness(es)
im so fucking afraid of any medical situations and anything that could disrupt the fragile balance of my life to even consider getting help
its incredibly stupid of me! i know its dumb! i have health insurance, both my parents have mental issues they’re medicated for it, but I’m so afraid!!
i would rather tie my thoughts into knots imagining and thinking and ruminating and every other maladaptive coping mechanism i can come up with to cope than seek professional help
I’m old enough that people expect me to be able to handle myself and im just barely coping, not even really considering my future at all because I’m already at my fucking limit
I’m going to Constantinople, that shit better not be Istanbul
Real shit
bad internet take and awful character analysis arent real they cant hurt me
HAPPY PRIDE TO THE SILLIES
fucking hate it when the stuff everybody says “actually works” does actually work.
hate exercising and realizing i’ve let go of a lot of anxiety and anger because i’ve overturned my fight-or-flight response.
hate eating right and eating enough and eating 3 times a day and realizing i’m less anxious and i have more energy
hate journaling in my stupid notebook with my stupid bic ballpoint and realizing that i’ve actually started healing about something once i’m able to externalize it
hate forgiving myself hate complimenting myself more often hate treating myself with kindness hate taking a gratitude inventory hate having patience hate talking to myself gently
hate turning my little face up to the sun and taking deep breaths and looking at nature and grounding myself and realizing that i feel less burdened and more hopeful, more actually-here, that i am able to see the good sides of myself more clearly, that i am able to see not only how far i have to grow - but also how much growth i have already done & how much of my life i truly fill with light and laughter and love
horrible horrible horrible. hate it but i’m gonna do it tho